I must have made some moral choice that was subsequently registered in the Central Universe, upon the Sacred Sphere of Divinington, where that Spark of God - the Thought Adjuster, was waiting and training for its mission in my life. The Adjuster then appeared at the Superuniverse Capital of Uversa (at the center of our Milky Way Galaxy), registered its its plan to indwell my mind and then instantly it became a part of me, right here on earth.
Of course, I don't really remember how it felt to suddenly be in the presence of that fragment of the infinite, eternal and absolute First Source and Center. But I suspect I began to see my existence differently from that point forward.
In the years spanning from that day to today I have slowly but unfailingly learned more and more about this Spark, even about one of it's other indwellings. I learned that before its partnership with me, it indwelt another man on a faraway world, in another time-frame. This former "host" was a great musician and artist in those ages and on that other world, but one who became self-deceived and chose not to survive his own death. He killed himself and lost the potential of life eternal--fusion with what would become my Adjuster.
There may have been other hosts too, but it is the life-efforts and struggles of this former host that has been partially revealed to me. The plans of my Thought Adjuster for my own life were significantly colored by this former experience and have had a bearing on both my feelings and moral decisions, even up to this very day. The Spark of God well-knew that I would represent a new opportunity for it to successfully steer a man of similar interests, temperament, subjective temptations toward self-destruction and self-hatred, into life everlasting.
Frankly, I now fully understand that the partnership offered by this Spark has been frequently frustrated by my own moral indecision, procrastination, submerged genetically inferior traits, prideful assumptions and mis-interpretation of divine meanings and values. It is only in recent years that I have discovered a new means of re-evaluating the messages and largely unconscious (and superconscious) presentations and proposals of this Spark. And I believe that this adult choice to TRY to understand the Thought Adjuster's role in my life is now actually saving that life.
But it took a drastic walking away from my human assumptions and conventional, culturally-sanctioned errors, to literally see the Light...
107:4.5 There is a characteristic light, a spirit luminosity, which accompanies this divine presence, and which has become generally associated with Thought Adjusters. In the universe of Nebadon this Paradise luminosity is widespreadly known as the “pilot light”; on Uversa it is called the “light of life.” On Urantia this phenomenon has sometimes been referred to as that “true light which lights every man who comes into the world.”
Removing myself from the trap of inferior 21st Century human mores and error was like a true rebirth. It was a clearing out of the dilapidated passageway whereby material life and half-truth obstructed the REAL purpose for living and loving. Intellectually I understood the commandment to "love my neighbor as myself." What I did have an issue with was my apparent inability to love myself. Before this rebirth, I completely believed in God and in the value of other people's lives. I did not feel that I deserved that love to also be intelligently applied to myself as well.
Don't get me wrong. For many years (during my high school and college days) I had fostered an unhealthy and prideful kind of self-love. Ego-satisfaction. But with the unexpected dissolution of that ego (through certain chemical methods of consciousness expansion) it became blindingly obvious to see that I was but a "speck of dust"; that to feel pride of self as a means for valid recognition among my peers was as silly as an ant aspiring to win the Nobel Prize for Mathematics. It couldn't even begin to happen. And that's why it didn't happen.
Unfortunately the revelation that I might find satisfaction in self-effacement was brought too far in the opposite direction. And this deleterious direction ruled the image I had for myself to such an extent that it bordered on self-loathing and even the notion that the world would be better off without me. I simply could not find the balance between self-confidence and self-denial. I needed Help.
When my error-filled philosophy inevitably began to lead to serious thoughts of suicide - as a way of ridding the world of what I perceived to be my terrible influence in it - everything material and spiritual began to crumble. Even in times of clear and rational inspiration, the over-riding sense was one of guilt and regret. The minuses were piling up and drowning the pluses. Darkness was overtaking me, and it was my own fault.
Walking away from my life of office work, car maintenance, silly and shallow social contact, and pressure to appear to "have it all together," was my only means of saving my soul. It is not the prescription for all defeated idealists, but it certainly was the medicine I needed in my own life. And no decision before or after that "walking away" has ever compared in significance, nor been more healthy for me.
Please see my journal of this Odyssey at my blog: iwallk.blogspot.com.
Almost immediately things began to change. Long stretches of walking and living out on the street allowed much valuable communication to take place between my Creator and myself. Now, finally, I have reached, and even applied, the long-sought desire of my soul--communication with the Spark and a brand new knowledge of the secret for how it works in my life.
In the next post I will get into the specifics of the enlightening and effective partnership that has begun, along with some ideas about how anyone can find Real Power (even, partial power over the behavior of matter itself), by simply taking the option most clearly highlighted by the Thought Adjuster in every decision, or at least whenever humanly possible.
It is about Will.
And it is so much easier than we Urantia Book readers might have made it seem to ourselves. Truly, if all people could recognize the profound reality-revelation of the I AM to this backward and self-blinded world, we would start to realize the social goal of the ages: the Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Humanity. Peace would overtake this planet and a new age of spiritual wonder would dawn for the first time on earth, even within our own lifetimes! The Answer is within each of us, pushing outward to be recognized. And the Sparks sent here to guide us into the Light are set-up and fully-prepared to quicken the work in the Light of Love and for the Plan of Peace.
Please try to believe me: it is worth the TRY.
By genuinely CHOOSING to learn more
Posts
